Thinks By Me

We had another near-fatality during church yesterday. I discovered it when I got home and saw the insides of one very precious Ty Beanie Baby strewn all over the floor. DogSpot accomplished a near decapitation and I arrived in the nick of time to save the bear's life. This particular Beanie has been a constant companion to Brainy Boy since he was a baby and we call him Snowy. Snowy would also be precious to collectors if he hadn't been so well-loved since it he is actually a rare polar bear named Chilly. Snowy has a fraternal black brother that we call Soot, whose official Ty name is Blackie. Soot is not nearly as sweet to collectors as he is to us. Snowy has been through many traumas with Brainy Boy, even getting his own x-ray when Brainy Boy broke his arm when he was four years old. Luckily Brainy Boy rode to church with Muh Main Man in the truck so I had time to do a little damage control before he got home and saw the tragedy. I tucked the insides back as best I c

My least favorite aspect of each school year is the creativity needed to complete required projects. Grades depend on them, People. And that is not my department. Little Chic was gypped in this very desirable feature in a mother, but fortunately she got doled an amount appropriate to fulfill us both. The first picture is her atomic model of the element sodium. We shopped for supplies together, she selected and I paid. Then she assembled with me only monitoring the burn factor of the hot glue gun. The second picture is one to which I can claim a measly portion of bragging rights. PTA mom friends took me under their wings and we made these strawberry treats for the class Halloween party together. I can take credit for the look of shock on each and every fruity face.

As I laid down for a rare snuggle with Brainy Boy last night, he remarked, "Mom, I like it when you snuggle in bed with me better than when Dad snuggles with me." I was shocked at this revelation since Muh Main Man is a lot more inclined to these bedtime snuggles than am I. I thought that perhaps it was because Dad falls asleep on the bed and takes up way too much room. This doesn't go over well with Brainy Boy who likes to sprawl across the entire bed. He doesn't even allow DogSpot to sleep with him. But the truth was revealed when I asked him why he like snuggling with his mom so much. "It's because Dad's legs are furry." So there ya go. Just wait till he realizes that his are getting furry too.

I bought this little gem monstrosity today and once we got home and were in the middle of devouring it, I noticed this little tip. Which we did not need since the Short People suddenly decided they don't mind nuts all that much .... "...If for some reason you have the will power not to finish the apple in your first sitting, put some lemon juice on the remainder of the raw apple, and wrap the apple tightly in plastic wrap and refrigerate." Seriously, People. If for some reason? What, are they being funny because they know their apple is so delicious that you can't resist eating the entire mammoth at once? Or are they being sarcastic because they know the only person who would buy the caramel, chocolate and nut-laden calorie heavyweight and pay $7.95 for it would be somebody who regularly binges on way-to-big-for-one-sitting servings? They could've saved themselves the paper, because No, we did not have the willpower to save any of it.

It seems that our walking dilemma has resolved itself, thanks to a little doggie bridle that I found at Petsmart. The same day I bought it, Rochelle suggested it saying that it worked well for her dog. DogSpot did not love it at first and tried using her very gangly legs to pry it off her nose. After a treat or two though, she forgot she had it on. She's like me that way. With the treats. Anyway, she pitched no fits and lunged after zero dogs, compliments of the strap going over her nose, giving me full left and right turning control of her head. Don't worry, any activist friends out there. It's not a muzzle and her full treat-eating capacity was spared. And it has the word gentle in the name, so who can complain about a product named "gentle" anything?

On a whim, I decided to look at the keyword searches that people do and then come across my blog in the process. You know, for entertainment. I shouldn't be bored--I've got plenty to do, like put in my pot roast for dinner tonight. But well, it's Saturday. Some of the results were typical like looking for "mom medical transcriptionist blogspot" or even "prairie home companion tickets" because we all know I've been a bit obsessed with that particular topic since September. But a few of them were just downright weird. Like "grape smuggling gear" or even "coal boy." Or try this one - "sleeping with a bruised side" and "consolation announcement." But some of them were downright embarrassing that my blog would come up as a result of the particular search. Not just once either. I'm talking about the search that read "CVS model: sudafed tracking and pharmacy." And the other one that said, &quo

I had such high hopes for sending my dad to the Garrison Keillor show in Charlotte tomorrow night. But, it's sad, folks. I just didn't succeed in my quest to score 2 tickets. Part was the fault of my shortsightedness in not realizing they'd sell out in a mere 7 minutes. Part too, was at the fault of one very dorky Mr. D who sold two tickets out from under me. But so it goes. As they say, "You snooze, you lose." I'll know better next time and get them on pre-sale.

I'll be kind and start with the advice. I would not suggest under any circumstances that you personally taste this product to ensure that it will work to save your new little ivy plant that you got at the grocery store from the nibbling boredom of the cat. It will work, no need to taste it yourself. I already did. I'll not be sharing how I know this. But I promise you, it works. Now then. DogSpot and I were alone for our walk this morning. We did not have our usual companions so we went to a less distracting place than the usual neighborhood for our walk. This also worked. I was much less distracted. It's amazing what you can get the dog to do when you actually tell it what you want. She did splendidly, and my arm was able to remain at my side where it belongs rather than in the usual "Heil Hitler' look stretched out in front of me. Well, except for the small conniption she threw when we passed some other dogs but that's to be expected. It's a

In my Dog Whisperer enthusiasm, I've taken it upon myself to 'master the walk.' In the words of my man, Cesar Millan, it's important that I don't let DogSpot drag me along on our walks or she's gonna think she's the pack leader. And we can't be having that, now can we? But DogSpot doesn't see things that way. Each morning, she gleefully hops in to the back of my Explorer, enthusiastically hops out when we've gotten to our walking spot, and then she just takes off. The poor thing has about strangled herself and crippled me in her quest to lead us off into the wild blue yonder and she's just about yanked my arm out of socket a time or two. You'd think the little beast weighed more than 33 pounds. I've tried all the tips. I faithfully recored each and every episode of the show and pore over all the instructions. And I try to follow them, I really do. But my dog just doesn't turn into the little miracle that Cesar promises she

I had such high hopes for today. After an appointment for some less-than-pleasant female maintenance, I drove myself over to Barnes & Noble for my 2 favorite things in one place. Now I love the library and all, but what really gets me going is when I get me some books along with some lah-tay. Starbucks, that is. Now that fall has finally arrived, they have my third favorite flavor...that would be Pumpkin Spice Latte. Tall, nonfat, no whip. That's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it, uh-huh. You get the idea. What about my first and second favorites, you ask? Well, my first fav (cinnamon dolce) has gone the way of all favorite things and has been discontinued. I was devastated to be sure. But then I discovered the gingerbread latte and got happy again. #2 won't be out until deeper into the holiday season. Apparently the fact that Christmas trees are already for sale does not influence the barista's ordering habits. But, I digress. I plopped my books on the c

It was another dandy day in the realm of bow hunting yesterday as Muh Main Man scored yet another success for the hunter and gatherer instinct that is so alive and well within him. The pressure was on as last year's record buck was something to be reckoned with. He didn't exceed the catch from last year but he did himself proud nonetheless. The Short People and I did the appropriate amount of oohing and aahing, even running the camera into the deep, dark forest last night. DogSpot rose to the occasion in her first up-close encounter with a stag and made all sorts of fierce noise in an attempt to protect the homestead from the dead intruder. Muh Main Man did resist the temptation to take the beast along to church this year. He save sthat privilege for the Pope & Young records like last year's but the picture was passed around to many an admirer, I assure you.

Like many moms, I am in constant battle between micromanaging every aspect of the Short Peoples' existence and letting them handle things appropriately on their own. Since I have two kids at opposite ends of the independence spectrum, this is somewhat of a challenge for my control-freak nature. Brainy Boy is completely happy letting me fulfill my management needs by picking out his clothes and combing his hair. In his mind, if it fits, it matches. And as long as he can see through his bangs, his hair is tidy enough. And he'd just as soon let me bother with it all as bother with it himself. Little Chic, on the other hand, has long considered herself a fashionista and as such, takes all matters of personal appearance into her own hands. That's scary when said fashion maven is three years old. And when she has one favorite outfit that she considers her uniform. So early on, we had to establish a few ground rules. The clothes need to be clan. The clothes need to fit.

I substituted as a lunchroom monitor at the Short Peoples' school today. Some helpful things I learned were.... 1) You can be eight years old in fourth grade. You can also be 11. That can't be good if you're in the same class. 2) Kids are fascinated by seeing people out of context. Several who have visited our house on play dates were flabbergasted that the same adult is qualified to fix them Easy Mac at their friend's house and officially supervise on the playground. 3) There are a zillion and one rules to soccer, and they change depending upon who is being the bossiest. If you make enough rules, the other kids get sick of it and will leave you and your little posse to play with the ball yourselves. Which was the original point. 4) Friends are good, but only if they are nice. As one very average-sized fourth grader told me, "That's my mean friend over there. She starts rumors about me. She tells everybody I'm chubby and that I only eat meatloaf.

You Are 50% Normal While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself How Normal Are You? You better believe I keep the weird to myself!

I know, I know. I'm keeping the world in suspense as to my whereabouts for the last few days and ya'll are just too doggone polite to invade my privacy by asking. And where, O where did I get that weird road sign pointing both north & south in one direction? If you must know the truth, the Fam and I took us a little jaunt up into the Adirondacks for a night of fall colored bliss. We just love us a little jaunt now and then. The Short People had a Friday and a Monday off school so we decided to get away. From what, I can't say exactly, but it was a good excuse nonetheless. I vetoed the idea of hauling the camper and insisted on a hotel with a hot tub. The pool was optional. I was the hero of the Short People. It turns out that it wasn't too much of a fuss with Muh Main Man once I promised him he could do the driving in my new Explorer. So we were all happy. We trekked up to a garnet mine which turned out to be the largest garnet mine in the world. It'

I think it's that way... No, I think it's this way...

This gives new meaning to after school tutoring.

Ok, People. I got desperate. Since my deal-e-o with Mr. D fell through, I am now officially obsessed with getting Garrison Keillor tickets for my dad. The show is October 20 at Ovens Auditorium in Charlotte, NC. I need those tickets. Bad. Here was my desperate attempt to get sympathy from Craig's List today. I had the great idea to be my dad's hero and get him tickets to see Prairie Home Companion for his birthday. He listens faithfully on the radio every Saturday and he even got me hooked on the guy. I marked the ticket sale date on my calendar and got up Saturday morning feeling all smug, thinking about how great it would feel to be his favorite daughter when I presented him with those coveted tickets. You can imagine how depressed I was when I realized they'd sold out within SEVEN minutes of going on sale. After skimming the web and realizing that ticket scalpers had bought them all and were unloading them for $300 apiece, I got the bright idea to try Craig's L

With any luck, I won't have many days like today. It actually started at nightfall last night when I got home from church, checked my email and had a nice note from Mr. D who was going to sell me tickets to a show for my dad's birthday. Apparently he found somebody else to sell his tickets to before he made arrangements for my brother to pick them up. I take it back. Mr. D is no longer my hero. Then, because I get a bit obsessive when I'm into a good book, I stayed up a second night until 2:00am finishing a book. I turned off the light only to wake with a start at 5:00am realizing that Muh Main Man was violently ill from an egg salad sandwich he had at a church staff member's going away party. I did what I could to help him out, went back to bed and woke at 7am to get the Short People going for the day. Needless to say, a joyful morning was had by all. Then, since it was weigh-in day for my Biggest Loser contest that I'm in, I decided DogSpot and I would tr